Palestine Think Tank

WRITTEN BY MIGUEL MARTINEZ (in the photo: "lean to the right girls!")  If you are a Zionist and don’t know why, here is all the information you need to support the flag.

This timeless article was written a few years ago for an Italian public, but change a few names here and there, and it will be just the right thing, for example, for explaining to anybody, from Anchorage to Zurich, why Israel will have to defend itself against – say – a Mad Dictator in Paraguay in 2051 or Fanatic Chukchis in Kamchatka in 2084.

For the Italian references, see the footnotes.

The article was originally published on the website Kelebek at the URL http://www.kelebekler.com/occ/fiammy.htm

 
The True History of Israel

By Fiamma Nait and Deborah Firenstein [1]

Hello, charming Italian people (a kiss to Oriana! [2]). We are two Israeli grandmothers. Just like you, we live in townhouses with seven dwarfs in our gardens and closed circuit cameras above our gates. Just like you, we send our grandchildren to piano and swimming lessons, you can imagine how active they are! And just like you, unfortunately, we have very many foreigners: our lives would be a little paradise if it weren’t for them.
 
You don’t know how things really are here, because we aren’t as good as the extracomunitari [3] at public relations. We all know how things go in Italy, where six TV channels out of six belong to Communists. [4] We also know what happens every day at “Corriere della Sera” [5], how the Pakistani terrorists, dressed up as flower vendors, go into the restaurant below the paper’s headquarters and put sleeping pills in the food of the editors who are having lunch, while their Tunisian friends, acting like they are selling lighters, enter directly into the editorial department, inserting false news in the computers; things Goebbels would be proud of.

In a nutshell, in Italy you have the worst anti-Semitic propaganda that reigns supreme and unchallenged. And to reply to it, the two of us have decided to write the true history of Israel. It is an objective and unbiased history. We will briefly recount it, because even we little old grannies have much to do: now Fiammy is ironing the trousers of that upstart Avi, while I have to dust under the doilies.

It all started on 21 March of the year 2044 Before the Common Era, when G-d had called to his office our great, great, great grandfather, together with a notary public. They drew up a document in which G-d gave all of the Middle East to our ancestor. The Arabs and the Communists pretend they don’t know it, but they are good at lying: their lies are worthy of Streicher. In fact, G-d, who is in that position for a very good reason, had foreseen everything: he made everyone swear on the Bible, not that Hebrew one that no one knows, but on the King James Version in English, because everyone understands English. Even those of us who are atheists – because Israel is a secular democracy, I am sure you know – are aware that the Contract is true.

And if even those who don’t believe in G-d understand this, those Muslim fanatics who spend half their day with their bottoms in the air praying should be even more capable of understanding it.

The land is G-d’s and He can do what He wants with it, don’t you think? A bunch of people are miffed at it. They were jealous about the oil and the blessings and the date trees, think that the Jews are going to take it all and they won’t be left with anything. So, three days after the Contract, the Mufti of Jerusalem gathered together with his comrades [6] in a beer hall and established Anti-Semitism. The Mufti was a big fat German from Schweinfurt who drank from dawn to dusk, but at that time he went around with a well-trimmed beard that had curls like an Assyrian.

The Mufti spread his maddened belief of hatred in the entire world, and it’s thanks to him that today, unfortunately, there are many Anti-Semites. Many will ask themselves, how does one recognise an Anti-Semite? Really, the question itself is a bit Anti-Semitic, but the answer is nevertheless very simple, and there can be no mistake about it. If someone thinks that the Jews are different from the others for some reason, it is clear that we are talking about Anti-Semitism: I mean, Hey! Do you think we’re extraterrestrials? On the other hand, if someone might think that the Jews are like all other people, that too is Anti-Semitism: Hey! Are we so banal? Are you trying, by some chance, to assimilate us?

In those days, Eretz Yisrael was the only democracy in the Middle East, and it even had a King called Salomon. There were extensive farms with biologically bred cows, bananas on the trees, cycle lanes and ecological incentives for everyone, and enormous theme parks that would have put Disneyland to shame. The only danger was that one could fall into a river of milk and honey, as wide as the Po, and could get stuck in that concoction.

The other drawback was that at the borders there were a billion and two hundred million Arabs who were pushing to get in, all of them jealous of the nice things we had. One day they came in and broke everything. Now, we don’t want to sound like racists, but it is a fact that Arabs are stupid, and even back then, they never would have been able to do a thing if there was not that Mufti of Jerusalem to lead the Arab legions, dressed like a Roman centurion this time, complete with that little skirt.

You know how the Arabs are, you have them in your country too: they took less than one century to transform the Promised Land into a desert. And, not one of those nice decorative deserts with sand dunes. No, a desert that was all grey and flat, just like the runway strip at Milan airport, but without the white lines.

For two thousand years, it stayed that way. Empty. Even the seagulls that came from the sea would fly over the land, only about ten metres in, and then they would dart away, terrorised. Once in a while the Arabs from the other side of the border would throw stones on the runway, hoping to hit a Jew, but there wasn’t anyone to hit. This is because the Arabs just throw stones out of habit, but they aren’t evolved enough to look while they are doing it.

One day, at the beginning of the 1900s, a group of adventurous Jews took a demolisher and started to perforate the asphalt that covered the land. They sweated under the sun, but they had the courage of great projects. And good fortune, or rather, G-d, was on their side: half metre down, the asphalt ended and – Eureka! – a luxuriant earth that seemed to be the province of Treviso [7] sprouted forth. And there wasn’t an extracomunitario in sight!

You can well imagine how those Arabs took it. In fact, they were all huddled just outside the Promised Land, supported at the expense of Western Civilisation. In the beginning they would simply howl, shout Allahu Akbar and burn American flags under huge framed photographs of Hitler, Pol Pot and Agnoletto [8]. The psychologists and ethnologists confirmed that these were the activities that were the most suitable to the type of brain that Arabs have; and if they had made a few cities in the past, it was only in an attempt to sublimate their desire – still impossible to satisfy – to burn American flags. In a word, just over the other side of the Jordan from Israel, a billion and two hundred million fanatics in one immense bedlam, that the Third World propaganda calls “refugee camps”: it’s not true that they were running for their lives, they were trying to get into Israel!

Left to their own devices, after a while the Arabs would have gotten tired and would have started to beg and urinate elsewhere. But there was the Mufti of Jerusalem, dressed up this time like a Mufti of Jerusalem, and a group of German advisors, who were indifferent to the Second World War and to the destruction of Germany, incorruptible despite the fact that the CIA and the Soviet Union were having an auction over their ownership.

The Mufti said, “we will throw the Jews to the sea!” This was something the Arabs really liked, because they get so excited when they see corpses. But there was a hitch: the Mufti knew quite well that there would have been planes and ships to take the Jews away, and would have brought them back to Europe. Now, anti-Semitism exists everywhere. Do you think for one moment that the peasants of Laos, when they are smoking their opium, aren’t really dreaming of killing Jews, or the Yaqui of Sonora, every time that they harvest their peyote, aren’t feeling like supermen of the pure Aryan race? And anti-Semitism increases even more when there are really Jews around: if Europe was repopulated by Jews, in no time at all it would become Nazicommunist as a reaction, and the Mufti would be taking possession of the entire world.

The plans of the Mufti failed, at least at the first attempt. With their bare hands, forty peasant-poets, to the sound of slaps, had made seven million Arabs flee, armed with laser beam double harkens. At the end of the war, that billion and two hundred million Arabs were camped again just outside Eretz Yisrael, pretending to be victims so that they could get money from the UN. Now the UN is body that’s paid for by the contributions of many countries; and if we are talking about Italy, by the honest and laborious worker of the Po valley.[9] When there was the Cathocommunist dictatorship [10] in Italy, the political commissars went from house to house collecting taxes to spread Maoism and anti-Semitic clichés in the world, and to keep on the dole lazy people like those of Sabra and Chatilla.

But today the Muftis are trying once again to destroy the State of Israel. Around the world, they are spreading missionary squads of agit prop [11], Islam prop and Nazi prop people too, who have spread the myth of the existence of a “Palestinian people.” At night, the Luftwaffe fly over Israel, parachuting not only mice and transgenetic vipers, but also horrible mama-bombs, capable of producing up to two Arabs every nine months, as has been documented by an extraordinary reportage in “Libero”. [12]

Saddam was about to occupy the United States, the oldest democracy in the world. In the entire world, Kurdish terrorists dressed up as Arabs and Arab terrorists dressed up as Kurds were disembarking from boats,[13] so that they could destroy the West that’s guilty only of loving freedom. Bertinotti [14] babbles on every day the anti-Semitic stereotypes of the “people guilty of deicide”. The pacifists march in military formation under the portraits of Stalin, preparing for the surrender of the West. The No Global and Communists wearing red togas [15] adulate the Aryan race, and they allow themselves to insult the multinationals. O tempora, o mores! Unfortunately, as if it wasn’t enough to have to live in a world inhabited by six billion anti-Semites, there are also self-hating Jews, worthy heirs of Marx and of the Kapo, who act as if the extracomunitari roam the world just because they are looking for work, “poor things”, they say…
But there’s always hope. There are some marvellous people in the world like Oriana Fallaci, and these two little grandmothers send her a second tender kiss. Or like Mario Borghezio,[16] who understood just how dangerous the raving mad anti-Semitic and anti-Italian racism of the immigrants is, and how important it is to save our Judeo-Christian civilisation, based on human rights, reason, truth and love of our neighbour. But, we won’t send a kiss to Mario.
Now we have to go and feed our Dobermans. They’re named Schutzi and Schatzi and they are little darlings.

We love you very much.

Debby and Fiammy

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Footnotes:

[1] The names just happen to sound like those of Deborah Fait, Italian-born founder of a group called “Rightists for Israel” who fights racism by calling Palestinians “subhumans” and “animals”, and Fiamma Nirenstein, a journalist who is also an Israeli citizen, but in her free time sits in the Italian parliament in the ranks of Berlusconi’s party.

[2] Oriana Fallaci of course, who at the time this article came out was still alive and grumbling in Manhattan against Arab immigrants in Italy.

[3] Non European-Union immigrants to Italy who do the jobs Italians disdain and pay the taxes that keep Italy’s pension and health care system running. The term, originally an administrative definition, now means more or less what “nigger” used to mean in the USA, with the advantage that nobody is going to look askance at you if you use it.

[4] Right-wingers in Italy often say things like that, without worrying about little facts, like three of the six channels being the personal property of Silvio Berlusconi and the other three (government) channels being the property of Silvio Berlusconi’s government.

[5] Italy’s leading daily – in neck to neck competition with Repubblica – which launched Oriana Fallaci’s revival as an Islamophobe and later took on as its deputy director the anti-Islamic extremist Magdi Allam. Many people call Magdi Allam a paranoid liar, but we think that is going too far and prefer to call him an imaginative journalist.

[6] Not the Communist compagni, but the Fascist camerati.

[7] Not only one of the most fertile, but also one of the most racist provinces in Italy.

[8] A very moderate Catholic anti-globalization leader.

[9] “Padano” here is both a geographical adjective describing the richest part of Italy, and the name used for themselves by the militants of the right-wing Islamophobic Lega party.

[10] Italy was not a Communist country for even five minutes, but the right-wingers generally speak as if their country had just been liberated from “Communism”, meaning the social welfare and public enterprise of the generally quite conservative Christian Democrat period. The cattocomunisti were a very small movement of the 60s, who tried to put together Catholic social doctrine and membership in the Communist Party. However, the adjective is used in a very free way to label any form of Catholic charity, social work, pacifism or sympathy with the plight of immigrants.

[11] A reference to early Bolshevik “agitation and propaganda” theatre teams, but the word has become a commonplace in Italian right-wing jargon.

[12] A hilarious right-wing scandal sheet.

[13] Thousands of desperate people from the Near East and Africa land every week on Italian coasts, if they don’t drown on the way. This is often called the “Islamic invasion of Italy” in the xenophobic press.

[14] Fausto Bertinotti was the fatuous, media-loving leader of the “Communist Refoundation Party”, regularly labelled an “anti-Semite” because of his vague pleas for peace in the Middle East.

[15] Italian judges wear a black robe called a “toga”. Berlusconi often attacks the “red togas”, meaning those judges who dare to investigate the mysterious world of Berlusconi’s business.

[16] A clownish MEP of the Lega party, memorable for his frothing Islamophobic rants, and a great supporter of Israel. Not the kind of person even his wife would kiss.